DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
