areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
