that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
