Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
