He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
