Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
