Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
