So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
