so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
