I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
