Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
