I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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