Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize