His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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