i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
