Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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