Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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