I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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