Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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