I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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