it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
