she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
