she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
