I'm going to jail i love you
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
