Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
