He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
