Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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