i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
