3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
