remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
