Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i dont even know how to be here
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
