pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
