remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
