dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
