also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
