I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
