I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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