Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He has the fingertips of a God
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