So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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