Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
