sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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