From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
