With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
