she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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