Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Don't EVER smell your tampon
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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