No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
