How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
