i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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