u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Randomize
