thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You made out with two different species that night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
