Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
