Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
where are my eyebrows?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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