I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
