So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
