Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
