Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
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and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
is it fun? or sober?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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