I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
