Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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