here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
