Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
