Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
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If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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