Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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