the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i believe in u and ur pee
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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