she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
