i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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