cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
