New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My ass is underappreciated
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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