Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
