It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
