I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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