Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
