I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
