anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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