This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
