hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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