There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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