if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
