Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
