We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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