I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Text me some of your sweat
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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