So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
