all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize