You made me cry and you don't even care
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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