I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
