as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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