I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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