I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
