I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
