i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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