i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
