doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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