Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
