What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
