FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize