went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
