life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
