hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
